he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
