I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize