i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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