I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
