Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
