thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
