im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't deserve a penis
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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