You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
