I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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