Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
