Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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