So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
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The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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