He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
