its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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