Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
