i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
