i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
this will be a night to untag.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
