Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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