the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
