Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
