Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
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AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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