it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
