my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
