I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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