Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
