Apparently you make a good broom.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
