absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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