I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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