I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
