So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
