I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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