dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
