She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
