I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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