can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize