he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
