Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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