I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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