3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
