1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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