i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
