Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
