Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
