you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
