I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
