We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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