Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
