apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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