Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
