Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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