I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like a drive thru vagina
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
