You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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