just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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