We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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