I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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