i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ttyl tear gas
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
