You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
