it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
