Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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