bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
