last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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