she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
