Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
