Where did you get a picture of my penis
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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