I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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