she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
