I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
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and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
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Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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