I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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