Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
