did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
