alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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