He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
