do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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