dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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