i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
false alarm. still invincible.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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