there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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