what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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