last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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