I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
