Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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